I have noticed a pattern, a theme. Several of these posts have been about 'brotherly relationships', both of kinship and association. I have two younger biological brothers whom I do not get to see nearly often enough. They are 'good men', "successful" in many of the ways by which the label is measured. Close male friendship, ("Brothers", if you please) whether from high school days, college fraternity times, or more recent years has been a gift that I have not always understood or nurtured in ways that I now wish possible. Perhaps aging and the deaths of those who once seemed young and indestructible have further sensitized me to all this. So, I am looking and listening for ways to 'catch up'. There are nascent plans for my two brothers and me to have a long week-end together sometime this Summer. We all have kind, loving, good wives. This reflects not at all on our marriages. We just have not been together, just the three of us since ______?_______ and it seems timely. And, tentative conversations have begun to have a Sigma Phi Epsilon reunion this Fall back at our undergraduate campus. All that 'feels' on target for meeting a 'soul need'. Somewhere along the way, I remember reading that as 'siblings' get older, there is a strong propensity to 'reconnect'. Maybe that's it.
More recently, however, I notice that I am voicing a 'longing' that will never be realized . . .I wish that I had had a sister ! To have said that when an adolescent would have been unthinkable.
The child that my parents lost to a miscarriage would have been our sister, albeit many years my junior. So that relationship would have been 'different' because I would have been gone from the family home by the time she would have been two years old.
Nor do I believe that I am idealizing what having a sister would have meant, but my observations and conversations with other family members, friends, and clients indicate that there can be about that 'sisterly relationship' ...whether with brother(s) or other sister(s)... something that is 'precious' (and I seldom use that word) beyond all others.
I first noticed that among my mom and her siblings. While not the oldest, she in many ways was something of the family 'glue' among that scattered clan after their parents' deaths. Often she extolled the importance of 'Blood', kinship, family. My dad lived a great distance, both geographically and chronologically from his biological sisters. Yet, my foster-Aunt Louise was always "Sister" to him, relationally and in how he addressed her. Over the years, I have often marveled at the dynamics between my older son and his sister.
Mom (3d from left) with several of her sibs. Only
Rachel (2nd from right) is living. Ka-rak-ters all!
(Dad , My younger brother, Bob, "Sister" Louise, and
Grandma Ida on her 80 th Birthday. Early 1950's)
(Uncle Ken with his 'baby sister, Rachel, at her 80th Birthday celebration)
(My older son with his sister.)
(My wife with her two brothers and great-niece)
While all the above have been and continue to be significant, in the past week I have been (yet again) awe-struck by and in admiration of the deep affection and loyalty that my wife lives and conveys toward her brothers. Particularly, just now for her younger brother who is suddenly facing health 'challenges' of major dimensions. She has spent long hours at the hospital, just being with him, participating in consultations with physicians and other care-givers, extending emotional and spiritual comfort. Her mother died just days after her high school graduation. She then took a job so that she could help with caring for her two brothers, some 7 and 10 years younger. She had promised her mother that she would 'take care' of them and she has done that in profound ways over the years. Always careful not to infringe upon their autonomy, she has been a source of wisdom and influence for them. And, their love and regard for her is also evident. In my opinion, they are two fortunate men. I am glad for them . . .and, honestly, wish I had a sister like that.
Satchel
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