You can't make up stuff like this . . .

 

    "Truth is stranger than fiction" might be another way to express it.  Or, "I find it hard to believe that (s)he said such a thing !". Or, "I can't  believe what I just saw (or heard) ! "  The following really happened and were unplanned and unscripted.  You can't just 'make it up'!!

   The lake behind Chestnut Hill restaurant in North Myrtle Beach has been 'home' for alligators for many years.  One cold December day, a lady sitting at the window beside an alligator-less lake asked her waiter if the absent alligators had "already migrated South".  To his credit, the waiter maintained his composure. For us, at the next table, with great effort we  suppressed our impulse to laugh.  Later, we conjured up images of an alligator herd crawling down I-95 for their Winter in Florida.  You can't 'make up' questions like that.

    On vacation during a recent Halloween, we were concerned when our home security system detected motion near our front door.  When I activated the camera, I saw several large guys coming across our lawn, expressing several profane comments about the motion detector lights. When the leader rang the doorbell, I used the microphone on my device and made a blood curdling sound. More profanity.  One apparently late teen fellow lifted his mask and heard me say, "Smile, you are on candid camera." After a few more profanities and mutterings, they left and we said thanks for the security system.  Didn't see that one coming !

    Most graduation speeches prompt naps. Several years ago, a former faculty member kept our attention by relating humorous questions he had heard when  a part of our Faculty. One choice one: Taking a co-ed back to her home after babysitting, she asked in all seriousness, "Dr. Tucker, have you always been three years older than your wife?" Huh?

   Unexpected questions, comments and suggestions often garnish church conversations.  Replacing burned out light bulbs had become a frequent task. That prompted the 'suggestion' that we install new ones throughout the building at the same time. In that way, the 'suggest-er' maintained, they would all burn out simultaneously requiring only one change. The Maintenance Committee chose not to implement the idea.

   Weddings and funerals produce a constant source of 'head scratchers'.  I had seen many televised videos of brides and grooms passing out and other embarrassing moments.  None of that prepared me for the day when Keith turned ashen while saying his  vows. After rocking slightly on his heels, he fell backwards to the ground.  Though he regained consciousness immediately, he remained on the ground, unaware that his uncle was videoing the event for posterity.

    The late Art Linkletter's t.v. program. Kids Say the Darnedest Things, regularly demonstrated the accuracy of the title.  Walker was the first child that I ever baptized; then two years later, it was baby sister's  turn. In our tradition, infant baptism means applying water to the child's head. A few days after her baptism, I learned that big brother had inquired as to why "Ron had given Lisa a bath at church ".  After hearing the explanation of the event, he further contended that  "he didn't have to wash  her hair . Mom had already done that at home."

    One last 'true story': Kids playing 'army' proved dangerous when my 9 year old son scored a direct hit on his 7 year old brother's eye with a 'hand grenade' in the form of a magnolia pod.  This  occurred on a late Friday afternoon in the  town to which we had recently moved and knew no opthamologist. Finally, I located one in a nearby town and he examined the eye, applied medication and bandage. "Bring him back on Monday and we can determine if  the eye can be saved' made for a long weekend.  On Monday after he removed the bandage, the doctor asked Chris to read the  top line of the chart.  There followed long moments of the second grader shifting in the chair, squinting, and turning his head in various contortions. Asked a second time to read the letters, Chris in all seriousness said, "I can read it; I can't pronounce it."  And you can't make up that kind of answer.

   Satchel