MY FRIEND DIED . . .

With J.R. in younger days

      Just a few weeks ago in a blog post on male friendships,  
I wrote of my long time friend and soul brother, J.R.  We first met in the Fall of 1960 when at Boston University School of Theology.

Fall 2016 visit to his West Virginia home

   Last October when  we were together with him and his wife,  I read him some of my writings and he offered strong words of encouragement to continue and expand my efforts and to send him pages that I wrote.  Being minimally interested in the world of technology (specifically computers), he asked that I call him when I had published and he would have his wife to print it from her computer.  So, on a Sunday evening I wrote and published the piece. The following morning, I called him to let him know that it was 'out there'.  From the moment he said 'Hello', I knew something was amiss.  He had been diagnosed with metastatic cancer and advised that he probably had a year or year and a half remaining.
 Just a couple of years ago, his oncologist had told him that he was free of the Stage IV lymphoma diagnosis.

   Facing what he called this "next chapter", he told me of two books that he intended to read as he died with intentionality.  Ironically, he had given me a copy of one of them in  1997 ---Stephen Levine's A Year to Live --- with a personal inscription.
The other book had been recommended to him by his long time mentor, Father Thomas Keating.

   We spoke by telephone on two later occasions and agreed that we wanted 'face to face' time.  So, when I called a few days later and his son-in-law, a highly respected physician, indicated that his condition was deteriorating, we made  plans to drive there on Friday, February 23, the day after my 80th birthday.
For years we  kept the tradition of calling each other on birthdays.
When my telephone rang early on the 22nd, I was not prepared for the news.  His daughter told me that he had died during the night.

   This, of course, is not my first experience with grief . . . but it is, what ?, different.  And, my clients often teach me about the many faces of grief, including not to suppress it, not to be impatient with it, and that we never 'get over' it but eventually . . . again, what ? . . . adapt, move on, etc.  I just had a new 'nominee': 'Remember' and remember with gratitude that our lives intersected in the long span of Time.  As Bob Hope said, "Thanks for the memories!"

Beethoven quote that J.R. kept on his bookshelf

    Satchel