IT CAN'T BE DONE . . .

       I had intended to keep count . . . of the number of times last week clients said that they wanted "to make sure that . . ."  I wanted to tell them that as noble as the aspiration might be, its deliverance is an impossibility.

      As it is often used, "making sure" is a throwaway phrase implying that a full exertion of effort will guarantee an intended and expected outcome.  A 'Guarantee' in the purchase of an appliance, automobile, etc. usually is desirable.  At least, a replacement can be offered.  In human terms, however, there are just too many variables.  Consider, " I want to make sure ['certain' if you prefer]  that our team wins tomorrow's game."  For starters, the other team may get a 'vote'.  In 1949, the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox seasons came down to the last game. . . the winner would go to the World Series. The brothers DiMaggio played for opposing teams ...Joe for New York and Dom for Boston.  They were driving together for dinner on the eve of the game and Joe apparently said something to the effect that he would have to win the game for his team the next day.  Whereupon, his brother reportedly said,  "I'll be playing in that  game also."  Well, it happened that the Yankees won and Joe certainly contributed.  What might have caused a different outcome?  As talented as 'Jolting Joe' was, he could not have had perfect control over all the variables of the game.  What if an errant pitch had 'beaned' him in the first inning?  After all, pitchers do occasionally throw wild pitches and there were no batting helmets at the time.

      An athletic contest could be construed as an overly simplistic illustration.  What would you like to "make sure" occurs.?  In the first session with a new client, I specifically say, "I do not guarantee outcomes.  Someone else has a say-so in how this goes and that person is sitting in your chair."  I do, however, promise my best effort, training and experience.

     The late Rabbi Edwin Friedman, a preeminent Family Systems therapist, maintained that the pursuit of total "control" is a modern form of idolatry.  It is beyond the achievement of mortals.

     Where does that leave those of us who want to "make sure . . ." ?  At the risk of being 'trite', I would suggest accepting responsibility to utilize  our  Best efforts in terms of thought, action, talent, consultation, exertion, timing, and the recognition that there are factors at work beyond our own doing.

      That reminds me . . . I need to go remove the bird feeder from the deck to make sure that the raccoons do not eat the seeds during the night.

     Satchel