" 'NICE' IS OVERRATED" . . .

 Others are also credited for this sentiment 

      Steve caught our attention during a Clinical Directors' case review when he ventured the opinion that 'nice' is overrated as a human behavioral motivation.  Pause.  Next: " I have never been concerned to be considered 'nice'." Another Pause . . . this one probably a bit longer. "But I am big on compassion."

     As best as I can remember the focus had been on 'Anxiety'.  I had recently completed Dr. David Burns's audio book, When Panic Attacks, in which he had commented that many sufferers of anxiety are considered 'NICE' by their contemporaries.  After I   offered that nugget to the conversation, Steve rejoined with his above noted perspectives.

   But, wait, aren't nice and compassionate (aka kind) synonymous ?!  No, actually,  they are not and a large   part of the difference has to do with motivation or why.  

   Some dictionary definitions can help make the distinction: 

  Nice . . . pleasant, agreeable, polite, following the rules of etiquette, not  being rude, the 'vanilla' of conduct. The motivation seems to be external validation, having the good opinion of other people, sometimes at the expense of one's own true nature.

  Kind = Compassionate . . .  arises from an internal sense of personal integrity that is derived from various sources.  It manifests as caring for others  not just as being polite but from an  internal nature or disposition as a person.   

   Kindness does not mean 'namby pamby' or 'wishy washy'.  Kind people can be assertive and set appropriate limits, a kind of 'toughness'.  For example, sometimes one of the 'kindest' response to someone may be 'no'.  "But you aren't being nice in not letting me have my way!" 

Response : "Not trying to be nice , but kind to you and to others who might suffer from your actions." 

   If the opposite of 'kind' is 'cruel' this aphorism applies not only to individuals "but a nation does not have to be cruel to  be tough."   

    [Disclaimer for transparency : as I was doing word searches prior to writing this, I experienced a confirmation of 'there is nothing new under the sun.'  I found an article by Dr. Marcia Sirota from Huff Post, September 6, 2011, in which she goes  into greater detail about the distinctions between Nice and Kind.  If so inclined, you can locate this by searching the internet.]

  Henry James gave this advice to his nephew: "Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind."

      Satchel