HERE COMES THE BRIDE . . .

 

  

 "This isn't your first rodeo, is it ?"  my grand-daughter's Wedding Director asked during  rehearsal for the attendants.  Well, no, actually during my years as a parish minister I had conducted several weddings.

   The first  occurred prior to having legal authority to perform  such ceremonies. But in this  case, it didn't matter because the couple was not marrying but renewing their 60 year old vows.  When I said to Wilbur, "You may kiss your bride", he  replied, "Huh ?". Whereupon Nancy leaned over and put a 'big one' on him.

   Years later, Wally and Marie, widowed in their 70's, had planned a small church service before a snowstorm challenged my courage to drive.  So, they came to my residence and with a winter wonderland  outside the windows of our A-frame and my family as the witnesses they said their  vows, kissed and took off to start their new lives.

  Some of those ceremonies were 'sentimental'; others had elements of unrehearsed humor, embarrassment and incongruity.

  Once there was a 'time out' as the bride recomposed herself after the floodgates of tears overwhelmed her. I produced a clean handkerchief which she later proudly displayed in her wedding album. 

   His video-ing uncle thought it hilarious when Keith passed out and fell backward to the ground.  And when Robert could not locate the ring in his coat pocket, I offered him mine to use.  When it refused to come off, I whispered, "fake it".  After the recessional, he calmly found it in the pocket.

   Embarrassed ?  Well, just as we were dressing for the service, the Best Man realized he had not brought his tuxedo.  Nothing to do but make the 30 mile (one way) drive back home.  In the meantime, I told the congregation what was happening and everyone stayed calm.  Reminiscent of a friend's home wedding years ago when he, the bride and minister closed the parlor doors for an interminable conversation which we later learned was to decide whether or not to proceed with the wedding.  They did. But in the meantime, I remember the bride's mother panicking.

    In the early-1990's, Father Canice Connor and I jointly officiated a wedding in his church when his Bishop would not permit his hearing the vows but okay'ed the homily.  The embarrassment occurred the previous night at the Rehearsal Dinner. As I waited for the elevator, I discovered that the seat of my trousers had ripped sometime earlier. 

  Years later as I tottered with clear prospect of falling from the top step, Groom Stan gently reached out and stabilized me, preventing a tumble.

  As I was dressing to leave for a Virginia wedding, the bride called to tell me that he was calling it off. I hope that sometime later she realized what a good thing that was for her.

   Incongruity ... when two things do not easily inhabit the same setting .  In my former rural parish, chicken production was a mainstay of the economy.  Great care had to be taken to maintain constant temperatures in the large houses, particularly in the blazing hot summers.  Phillip had several houses with hundreds of chickens in each.  At the Reception following his son's wedding, Phillip in his tuxedo was noticeably absent.  Later we learned he had driven home to inspect the temperatures in his chicken houses.  Likely the first and only time a tux has been inside those structures.  

   One personally embarrassing story can not be omitted . . . there were too many witnesses.  When  I remarried in 2001 and the officiant instructed me (as I had so instructed numerous grooms) to  place the ring of her left hand,  I made several attempts to put it on her right hand until she clearly put her left hand forward.  

  So much for "first rodeo's" !

        Satchel