Paul "Bear" Bryant, legendary football coach at the University of Alabama, long ago filmed a t.v. commercial for a telephone company with the rehearsed line: "Call yo' mamma." His ad lib comment was retained in the final production: "I wish I could call mine."
Recently, I remembered that segment when reading a column by Barry Saunders of the Raleigh (NC) News and Observer. Mr. Saunders (who is one of my favorite columnists) had recently lost a long time friend to death. Admonishing his readers to cherish rather than neglect their friendships and to call them while we have the chance, he wrote, "Good Lord! How much effort does it take to press one button on speed dial and say, 'What it is?' or 'How ya' doin', pal?' " To his chagrin, he replied, "Too much, apparently, for me. Don't let the same thing happen to you."
I often commend to my older clients Dr. Charles Wells's book, Dear Old Man: Letters to Myself on Growing Old. Just yesterday in rereading it, I noted his observation that "aside from good health and a caring family, friendships are probably the most valuable assets a person can carry into old age." (p.102) About a year ago, I and other former ministers were invited to a celebration of a congregation's 100th year in their building. Mr. Davis in his brief remarks observed that he had learned that Relationships were to be prized above all else among humans.
Alas, like Mr. Saunders, I have had long-time friends die without having seen or spoken with them for too great a time. Last Fall, my undergraduate fraternity brother, Charles, his wife, and I drove to see our friend, Bob. Knowing that his health was fragile, we acknowledged that this was our Farewell visit and indeed, he died within a couple of months. Even in the midst of profound sadness, there was a celebration of precious memories and gratitude for our friendships. Bob's roommate from those years, Fred, has also died since the last class reunion five years ago. Both were good men and I lament still their passing with a strong intention to nurture remaining friendships and be open to developing new ones.
This Summer I attended the annual reunion of my small high school class. Then, a couple of weeks ago, I returned for a 55th year gathering of my undergraduate class. While there, I learned the whereabouts of a college friend who had been like another son to my parents. Ben, originally from Bolivia, was often in our home in those years and when I 'found' him on FaceBook, I promptly invited him to renew the long ago tradition of spending Thanksgiving with our extended family. And, Harold, another close friend from those years, recently sent me pictures of him at the end of a LOONNGG Bike ride. Today, we met David, a friend from Wake Forest University grad school years, and his wife for a glad reunion after many years and we spoke of getting together again soon. Because of increased geographic distance, we don't get to spend the time with J.R. and Bev that once occurred. Our friendship goes back to our year together at Boston University School of Theology. We have seen each other through some of life's 'tough spots'. At his wedding rehearsal dinner, I gratefully offered the toast, "J.R. and I are brothers. We just have different parents." A couple of years ago, we met at a 'half way point' for couple of days visit and plan to do that again early in November.
With Fraternity Brothers October 3, 2015 |
With Dr. Dave and Judy , October 20, 2015 |
Ben, from his FaceBook page |
With J.R. , Fall 2013 |
Critics have long noted that warm, intimate friendships seem to be more difficult for men than for women and, as a generalization, I think that is a correct assessment. There are several 'reasons' for this impoverishment. Maybe in a subsequent writing I can ponder some of those. For now, I need to express my gratitude to friends whose companionships have enriched my travels.
"Thanks" to Coach Bryant and to Barry Saunders for their 'spot on' reminders.
Satchel
Right (write) on, Ron. We deeply appreciate your thoughts and photos as we continue to try to make a difference and support others in prayer and with action. Our best to you and Loretta. Bev and Wendell
ReplyDeleteWe are honored, sir, to be among those included in this moving, timely reminder (warning) that life is finite (short) and that friends are precious treasures. Love to you, to Loretta, and to Tommy.
ReplyDeleteA reminder that most of us need. Thanks.
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