WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

   Within the past week, I have had three clients . . . one man in his mid-50's, another in his late 40's and a woman in her early 30's . . . ask variations of the same question : "Why don't I know what I am supposed to be doing with my life?".  Their question is a rephrasing of sorts of the title of this post and the impetus for my own reflecting on the  matter.  

    A caveat at the outset . . . many millions do not have the , what, luxury, even to ask the question.  Every day is a repetition of the preceding day ... off to the 'salt mines', trying to scratch out a living, keeping basic human needs met.  In the words of Ernie Ford's Sixteen Tons:  "Saint Peter don't  you call me , 'cause I can't go.  I owe my soul to the company store."  And there are also the unemployed.

    Yet, for many others (and not just the elite), there seems to be an assumption that the career path that I chose when in my twenties will continue to be the road to success (however defined, often monetarily) and fulfillment.  However, for starters, the era of 'work 40 years in the same job, retire and get a Gold watch' is over.  In a time of 'downsizings', terminations and economically-driven readjustments, many folks have to contend with externally imposed unemployment or under employment.

    Moreover, a kind of conventional cultural claim (at least in the United States) has been, 'go to college, get an education, and you are set for life'.  Let's just say the obvious and perhaps it  is somewhat akin to a book title that I remember: In this country, there is a kind of Sheepskin Psychosis which in the minds of many runs rather like, 'if you don't have a degree, you are automatically second-class.'   My own blue collar origins and later many years teaching in academe tell me that such a view is just plain wrong and even mean-spirited.  Moreover, a 'google' search produced the statistic that only 27% of college graduates work in areas that are related to their majors.  My strong belief is that while college  obviously can prepare and equip us for specific 'jobs' or 'professions', if it is only Hire Education, something vital is being missed.

     Along with externally imposed transitions, there are also those brought on by internal shifts.  Our counseling center helps train Interns and Residents who are, for a variety of reasons,  'second career'.  Sometimes the reasons reflect new interests, developing proficiencies, 'empty nest', an emerging sense of purpose or call, or other equally valid reasons. Some of these may represent so-called 'mid-life transitions'.  In 1963, as part of my seminary experience , I studied for a year at Duke Divinity School.  Like most of the other students, I was mid-20's.  Bob Bryan, as a 35 year old, was an anomaly.  Today, I suspect that many seminarians are 40 and older.  In the late '90's, I supervised two second career Duke Divinity Students in their 'field work' programs. An acquaintance has recently left a large parish to enroll in a hospital chaplaincy program.  Another 'successful' pastor, highly respected within his denomination is seriously considering whether he might be 'more at home' within a smaller parish with two 'tiny' churches.

    Among the possible 'meanings' or 'interpretations' of these developments, I would offer shifting definitions of the aforementioned Success and fulfillment.  While compensation remains important, other factors matter.  A book by Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak has been influential in shaping my understanding of 'vocation' which is not synonymous with 'job' or 'profession'.  Quoting from the jacket cover: "Vocation does not come from willfulness, no matter how noble one's intentions.  It comes from listening to and accepting 'true self' with its limits as well as its potentials."  Resisting the urge to write a review of the book, I just note that I re-read this 'jewel' every Christmas holiday and each time there is a new 'takeaway'.  And I like Frederick Buechner's aphorism to the effect that our vocation or calling lies at the point where our deepest gladness and the world's deepest needs intersect. 

   In her book, The Gift of Years, Joan Chittister wrote that when we teach children to be 'successful', we are actually teaching them to be  competitive, and "it is not so much the striving that is the problem as it is the sacrifice of all the other dimensions of life." (p.114)   She further asserted that success "has to do with having the basics, with learning to be happy, with getting in touch with our spiritual selves, with living a balanced life, doing no harm,          doing nothing but good." (p.116)

    Discerning how to live that out usually requires patience, some 'failures', 'false starts' and a willingness to take a risk, or, if you prefer, a leap of faith.  At least, I have found it to be so.  Over the years, I have been: Executive Secretary of a college Alumni Association, Army Private, Secondary School Teacher, College Professor, Entrepreneur, Parish Minister, and later, Psychotherapist and Clinical Supervisor.  During the 1990's, I worked both as parish minister and therapist.  Then, in 2001, at the age of 63, as I became full-time therapist, I decided what I was to be "when I grew up".  Some of those shifts were externally caused while others were responses to internal awarenesses.  Upon reflection, perhaps with the exceptions of my brief military stint and entrepreneur role, while the 'manifestations' of my vocation have shifted, a recurring theme has been 'teacher', not seeking to 'indoctrinate the students, but to encourage them to think, to find their own 'truth'.  Would I have liked more financial compensation?  Of course. But what might I have had to sacrifice ?  At an age when many have retired, I suppose that I am still honing my definitions and implications of 
"Success".  

    What do you want to be when you grow up?

        Satchel